I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
