glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
