omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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