i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
