I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
