my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
