if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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