I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
