R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
