he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
