I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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