I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
