But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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