xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
