Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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