the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
