Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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