508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
