I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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