i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
