that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
