Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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