i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
