The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
