dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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