She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
