In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
