$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
