I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just blew my weed a kiss
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
