it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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