so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just want to make out with him forever
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
