youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can text with my tongue
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I want a musical about memes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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