nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
