Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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