I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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