So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
