I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize