wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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