the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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