i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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