I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
