i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
