Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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