I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize
