So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
