Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
one might say we're banned from that church
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
