I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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