i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
