I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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