I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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