There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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