I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
