Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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