Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
