And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
