so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
