Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
