I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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