you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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