why didn't you poke me back
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
