I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i will never coherently bang her
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
