Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize