So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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