Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
