You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
