He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
