Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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