cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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