So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
last night I used snow as a chaser
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
